The death of masculinity: what the fuck is wrong with the male race?

We’ve all seen them. We see them every day. Whether it’s some fake-tanned prissy boy with his designer gear, fancy highlights and shiny diamond stud, or some skinny emo kid wearing his mums pants and eyeliner, crying about how nobody understands him, it cannot be denied that the male race is at an all-time low.

It seems that notions of masculinity and manliness have drastically changed in our society. Now, it’s the norm for guys to use make-up and have manicures. I even saw on one guy carrying a Burberry fucking handbag! Not a rucksack, or even a satchel, but a frigging handbag. I laughed so hard it hurt.

Now, I’m all for freedom of expression and individuality. Truth be told, I’m probably somewhat off the ‘norm’ myself. I express myself how I see fit, and don’t give too shits about what society has to say about it.

I also like to fart and burp, to scratch my nuts and talk about tits. That’s when men do.

But now we come to the source of the problem. I cannot help but think that the overwhelming majority of guys who partake in the current metrosexual fad do so simply because it is the ‘in-thing’, it is what’s ‘cool’ right now. These vacuous morons would probably dress up as smurfs and act like they had tourrettes if some magazine told them it was cool or some celebrity started doing it.

The implications, however, are far worse than the tame submission to the ever-changing social and cultural standards and norms that have plagued the masses throughout history.

The fundamental traits of masculinity- strength, courage, self-sufficiency and, of course, the urge to procreate (though no socio-cultural standard has managed to keep that in check)- are vital instincts that has allowed our species to survive and thrive. In the age of technological convenience, what would happen if we were suddenly left to fend for ourselves, without the modern trappings that make our lives so easy? In a near-apocalyptic scenario, would any of these wusses be capable of gathering food and providing shelter, protecting themselves and their ‘herd’ from enemies and predators? Something tells me no. I fear for what we may have already lost, and fervently hope the male race can find its balls once more.